Case Integration

Case Integration

Relationships are very difficult to maintain on some level, and easy on others. What I mean by this is, face work, and the idea that people feel the need to maintain their own identities while incorporating another person, either by choice, or by force (partner vs family). Certain needs must be met in a relationship in order to maintain the relationship properly, negotiation is huge in a relationship, if the two parties cannot agree on something then they are going to have a very difficult time in a relationship together. 

An interpersonal relationship requires that two individuals influence each other in meaningful ways, that they have unique interaction patterns, and that they have repeated interactions over time. Close Relationships have all the features of interpersonal relationships, plus three more. Specifically close relationships are characterized by emotional attachment, need fulfillment and irreplaceability. The closest relationships are characterized by irreplaceability. A interpersonal relationship that was discussed was in the case of Jim, in "Moving up: The Challenges of Communicating a New Social Class Identity". In this particular case, Jim comes from a blue collar family, and working for a very large law-firm. When his 60 days review is up, he goes to his boss Marc, and his boss tells him that he needs to change a lot of things about himself, such as; his clothes, his car, the way he talks etc. Jim is particularly hurt because he doesn't see the difference between himself, and anyone else at the firm. As the story continues, Jim starts to slowly change into someone else. His identity starts to shift, he buys new clothes, and stops swearing. The relationships between Marc and Jim is a interpersonal relationship, they have repeated interactions, and they can influence and change each other over time. A case that would represent close relationships, is the story of Madeline and Martin, in "What's in a Name?". Both Madeline and Martin have very close relationships, they have an interpersonal relationship as well. They have related interactions, but they are also emotionally attached to each other. After Madeline tells Martin that she wants to keep her last name he is hurt, and doesn't know what to do, but he doesn't want to loss her, because he has such a need of fulfillment from her, and she is irreplaceable to him. When he is thinking if maybe Madeline wasn't ready for this engagement he states; but she is the one I want to be with, she is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. Both of those stories can explain the difference between interpersonal relationships and close relationships. 

The connection among personal, relational, and community identities is something else I learned; personal would relate to identity and how we can change from one relationship to another, identity is a sense of who we are. For example, in the case study; “The Whole Package”, in Ashley's case, she is fully aware of her friends identities, Susie is Japanese American who is highly family oriented, and is very conservative, Heather is highly sexualized and wears things that are very revealing, and Brittany is a fashion fanatic and has her own sense of style, one that is both retro and chic. Although she does know her friends, and what they like and their sense of style, she is confused about her own identity, she questions herself, who is she? This is something that she continues to struggle with throughout the rest of the case. Personal is also involving the enactment layer, which is who we present ourselves to others. The four girls talk a lot about fashion, and body image, and all have their individual image as described above. Within the relational layer, we can't look at Ashley's identity alone without looking at her friends identities too, she is related to them and how they look, dress or act. Heather who is highly sexualized at a young age, because of the influence in the media, sparks a certain amount of concern from Susie, who grew up in a conservative home. The other girls, like Ashley, thinks that she is "sexy" and disagrees with Susie. When we are discussing community identities, Susie and Ashley are quite different and were raised in different households with different beliefs. For example Susie is very close with her mother, she runs marathons with her mother and she loves her family. In Ashley's case she isn't as close with her family, she is even mentions her mother being out of the loop when it came to fashion, and questions; "Why should I listen to what she has to say?". Despite their differences Susie and Ashley are still able to be friends and closely relate to one another, which is a good example of community identity.Those are the differences between; personal, relational, and community identity. 

Relationships are made human interactions, it is through communication in which we form our relationships that is what we mean by communication perspective. All human experience is looked at through a lens, a perspective with which we can view all other things. We make our social worlds by how we communicate, our patterns of interactions matter. In the case of John "Born Again", he views himself as this attractive football super star, he finds himself very outgoing. He thinks he is popular, everyone loves him, he goes partying and drinking all the time, he is the star of the football team and he is on top of the world. Once he gets in a horrible accident with his younger sister, he is told that he will never be able to play football again. The lens that he once viewed himself through is destroyed, and he takes it very hard. He starts to befriend this man named Mark, who is also his physical therapist. Mark is a Christian and shows him "the way to God". He starts to view his identity in a new light, a "new lens" if you will. His sister has to view him through several different lens, such as; the brother she was used to, and now the guy he says he is. He says that he hasn't changed he has just found religion, but she has to view him from a different lens now. 

Power is defined as; "an individual's ability to influence others to do what he or she wants, we well as a person's ability to resist the influence attempts of others". Now just by taking this definition I think that we can apply it to case study number 19, "We'll never be that kind of couple". Emma and Jason have a constant power struggle between the two of them, we well as the next door neighbors. One of the examples of a power struggle is when they get in a fight about Emma becoming friends with her ex on Facebook. Jason gets very up set, and they continue to "one-up" each other through out the conversation, until Jason ends up storming out of the apartment. Agency is defined as; why people often feel the need to "change" their relational partners, so that they fit their conceptions of how a perfect partner should behave." I think within this same case, Emma and Jason's neighbors are also having a power struggle, it seems as though the "he neighbor" as they call him, is trying to change the way the "she neighbor" is acting by violence. Dominance refers to the display or expression of power through behavior, which can relate to almost all the cases that we had to read through this session. In case 20 when Alex starts to dominate Anna, and wouldn't leave her alone with his obsessions, and in case study 18 with Chris and Sandy, trying to win the fight between each other, and dominating one another, because they have the ability with all the knowledge that they know about one another. 

The idea of co-orientation is that two people having a conversation, or they are in a relationship of some sort, have a common goal, or interesting in something in particular with one another. In the case number 20 "Unilateral Union", they begin the story with a common interest in work, and working on a project together. After they are working on the project for a while together, they begin to have a common interesting in one another. Alex finally takes the plunge and asks Anna out on a date like he has been wanting to do. For the first couple months, Anna and Alex have a great time together, and their co-orientation is one another and enjoying each other's company. As time passes, Anna and Alex's co-orientations shift. Anna starts to want to shy away from Alex, she thinks that he is too controlling of her, and she doesn't like it, so she starts to have a co-orientation of avoiding Alex. Alex starts to become more infatuated with her and that is his main co orientation. The relationship cannot work with the two people in the relationship do not have a common orientation with one another, and their interests start to drift. Towards the end of the case study, Alex and Anna have completely drifted apart, Anna finds a new job, and a new boyfriend. Alex's main orientation is revenge, and getting back at Anna for the awful things that he thinks she did to him. 

These are just a few examples of what I have learned in this class. Towards the beginning of this class I wasn’t sure what to expect, but it turned out to be very valuable. One of my favorite things about this class was the idea that the case studies go along with the textbook. I really enjoyed reading the case studies, which were short easy to read stories, and then becoming excited when I realized how what we learned through the text book and lectures applies to those case studies. I than started to realize that these concepts could very well apply to my own life as well. My favorite section was probably the hardest for most people the “hard emotions” I really enjoyed learning about the relationships and its hard emotions. I volunteer at a crisis hotline, Agora, some of you may know what it is, and this really hit home here. I was happy to be able to apply concepts that I had learned about in this section, with some of the people that call the crisis hotline. A lot of the callers have difficulties with domestic violence, and abusive relationships. Not only has this class helped me out with applying concepts to my own person life, and helped me understand specific reasons to certain things, but it has also helped me become a better volunteer, by understanding relationships that could be involved in violence, when callers who call the crisis hotline have a domestic dispute. 

Friends of the Heart

Sophie and Jay have a unique set of relational expectations. They are best friends, but they are both homosexual which makes the friend even more interesting. Jay and Sophie both look out for each other and help each other out during times of need. They are expected to be there for each other when they need help, and they are caring with one another, their friendship is equitable. 
They certainly have fun when they are together, making silly jokes, cheering each other up, and having a good time. They reduce uncertainty about the partner which refers to wanting to find out more about the person, in this particular case study is when Jay is trying to get to know Sophie a little better when they are in her home town, and he is asking her questions about her childhood, and its a new side of her that he has never seen before. 
In this case they wouldn't investigate romantic potential because they are both homosexual and aren't interested in each other, but they do say to one another "if we were heterosexual, we would be a perfect match". They certainly develop a friendship, and focus on trying to determine if they have enough in common to be friends, and do things together, and strengthen their already existing relationship. 
I think Jay and Sophie have a very interesting relationship, they are both not attracted to each other, but are one male and one female, they are close. Jay is there helping her out through a time of need after her father's passing and they are clearing out the house. Jay doesn't say that he is there with her to help her, he says its because he wants to go to the east coast with someone and it happens to be her. When in reality he is there to help her through this struggle. Their expectations are that of any two best friends, and they are there for each other during times of need. 
Affection is based on having enjoyable interactions with someone which make one feel good when around that person. Enjoyable interactions promote interpersonal warmth or a feeling of cozy closeness which help cement the bond between two people. 
Jay and Sophie definitely have affection towards one another. Jay is there to help her during her times of need, and Sophie enjoys his company, he makes her laugh. Right in the beginning of the case study he is smoking a cigarette and she makes a joke about not being able to smoke that for the rest of the way up the east coast, and he makes a joke back about then its going to take them 3 weeks to get there, because he is going to have to stop for smoke breaks all along the way. Sophie laughs, even in these hard times of her fathers passing and all the stress that she is under during these times, clearing out the house and leaving her childhood behind. 
Together they make a great couple of friends, who know that they can count on one another when they need each other. They show sincere affection towards one another throughout the entire case study. Jay is worried about Sophie and even picks up on her anxiety, and restlessness in the beginning of the case. Sophie thinks Jay is an amazing friend and really enjoys his company. Together they share a bond and interpersonal warmth. 

We'll never be that kind of couple

Power is defined as; "an individual's ability to influence others to do what he or she wants, as well as a person's ability to resist the influence attempts of others". Now just by taking this definition I think that we can apply it to case study number 19, "We'll never be that kind of couple". 

Emma and Jason have a constant power struggle between the two of them, as well as the next door neighbors. One of the examples of a power struggle is when they get in a fight about Emma becoming friends with her ex on Facebook. Jason gets very up set, and they continue to "one-up" each other through out the conversation, until Jason ends up storming out of the apartment. 

Another power struggle is when they started to create date nights for the two of them, and Jason forgets about the date night, and wants to go to the game with his friends. Emma becomes very upset about this, and soon she becomes silent with anger, and "holding it in". Jason realizes that what he should have done was think more about Emma than about his friends and the game, so he goes out and buys her flowers, but at that point it is too late. Emma is already getting ready to go out with her friends, and she isn't going to change her mind. Once again in the conversation they continue to "one-up" each other, until someone gets so angry they storm out. 

Agency is defined as; why people often feel the need to "change" their relational partners, so that they fit their conceptions of how a perfect partner should behave." I think within this same case, Emma and Jason's neighbors are also having a power struggle, it seems as though the "he neighbor" as they call him, is trying to change the way the "she neighbor" is acting by violence. 

Dominance refers to the display or expression of power through behavior, which can relate to almost all the cases that we had to read through this particular session involving hard emotions, but especially in this case involving the neighbors, the he and she neighbor. It seems as though the "he neighbor" is constantly trying to dominate the "she neighbor" by telling her what to do, and acting out in violence, as a way to control her, and it is continuing to worsen. 

In conclusion, all the cases that we read in this session involved very difficult situations that occur from peoples different perspectives, and reasons people act the way they do. Although this was probably the hardest, and most emotional section of our class, I think that it was the most beneficial, I really can relate to a lot of these cases, and the emotions involved in these situations. I learned a lot of about myself, and relationships that I have with other people in this particular module. 

Embarrassment

In the Jennifer's Embarrassment section Jennifer had a difficult time understand how Matt would tell his family all the problems that Jennifer and him are having in their relationship. Matt's mom Kelly has a very open relationship along with the rest of Matt's family, and Kelly feels that she always wants to know what is going on in their relationship so that she can help them and give them advice. Another situation Matt had a difficult time understanding why Jennifer if having a hard time, accepting the fact that his mom wants to have Jennifer call her mom as well. 
Jennifer doesn't feel comfortable with that idea, and confides in Matt which takes a lot of courage for her to do, and she thinks that their conversation is between Matt and Jennifer. Later on when Matt and Jennifer go to a dinner at Matt's parents house, Matt discusses with his mother how Jennifer feels uncomfortable about calling Kelly her mother. 
Jennifer is so embarrassed, after that he embarrasses her later as well, when he starts talking about children, and when they want to have children. Jennifer wants to wait, and Matt wants to have kids right away. Everyone in the family starts throwing in their two cents about what they think would be the correct way to handle the situation, and Jennifer runs out of the house mortified. In this situation Matt doesn't understand how Jennifer feels because he grew up in a different environment and they have a very open family, and Jennifer grew up in a very private family and her family never discussed anything. 
So everything they discuss openly is very hard for her to understand. That is why Matt doesn't understand the problem with disclosing information with with his family, and why Jennifer doesn't understand why Matt does disclose information with his family. 

I Need Some Space: Friends through Good Times and Bad Times

In this story Ashley and Jacinta are best friends that have started going to college together and they are learning how to live with each other. One of the concepts that I would like to imply from our class in this module is the relational maintenance. Relational maintenance is defined as; a variety of behaviors used by partners in an effort to stay together. Relationships according to the dialectical perspective; relationships are never completely stable, but are constantly changing, a healthy relationship is a changing relationship. I will be talking about both Relationship maintenance and relationship dialectics. 

Ashley and Jacinta are best friends and they are going through some struggles in order to keep their friendship together. Towards the beginning of the case for about the first four months they are always together. After a while Ashley starts to get tired of Jacinta, and wants to go out and meet some new friends, but she is afraid to tell Jacinta, because she thinks that she will hurt her feelings, this is a good example of the struggle of connection and autonomy in a relationship. In this case she eventually tells Jacinta because Jacinta wants to know what is going on, and why Ashley is avoiding her, this would be a good example of internal manifestation which refers to the tension experienced between relational partners. Jacinta isn't hurt she just wanted to know the truth. In this part of the maintaining the relationship Ashley learned that Jacinta would rather know the truth then be avoided. Together they decided to always tell each other what is going on and the truth, which is one of the ways that they started to maintain their relationship. 

When Ashley starts dating a new guy Steven, Jacinta doesn't really like him, but she finds something important that she feels she needs to tell Ashley. In this part of relationship maintenance she decides what is going to be more effective in their relationship, so she decides to tell Ashley the truth because that is what they decided on, which is a example of expression and privacy a tension in the relationship, and her struggle between which she should do. After Ashley finds out the truth she becomes more trusting of Jacinta for letting her know. The relationship between Ashley and Steve would be an example of external manifestation, which refers to the tensions between a couple and other dyad's or society, including how the couple present themselves to others.

Another example from this case was when Jacinta started dating Ashley's ex Steve. Ashley thought that Jacinta and Ashley were on the same level until Jacinta starts avoiding Ashley and wouldn't tell her what was going on, once again the tension between expression and privacy starts to happen, but shifts in a different way, Jacinta is now private instead of expressing like she did earlier. Eventually she finds out what happened, and she is very upset with Jacinta for not telling her the truth, her trust has been broken, and together they have to slowly maintain and build back up the trust in order for their relationship to be repaired and maintained. 

John "Born Again"

In the case study "Born Again" John has to learn how to relive his life after surviving a horrible car accident involving his younger sister. In the beginning of the case study, John is the super star football jock that everyone is envious of, and looks up to, he even admires himself. Throughout the case study he is a big partier, and is involved in consuming a lot alcohol. John is also a risk taker, and likes to live life on the edge.

John decides to drive drunk with his younger sister in the car with him, he ends up driving off the road and almost killing both of them. After this incident he has to seriously reevaluate his life, and his priorities. After realizing what he did to his sister, by scarring her face for life, he falls into a depression. John isn't motivated to do anything, and doesn't want help from anyone, he doesn't believe that he deserves it. After a while he meets a fellow named Mark, who is also his physical therapist. Mark and John become great friends, and Mark eventually shows him what faith is, and "God".

After John has decided this is what he is interested in, he has to create a whole new identity of himself, this would be a great example of communication perspective. Communication perspective is the idea that we view ourselves through a certain lens, and when John has to reevaluate his life, and how he views himself, he must change from the super star jock, to a religious man who has faith in the lord.

John's younger sister also has to view him through a different lens. At the end of the case study, after she embarrasses him in front of his friends, by mentioning how he found "faith" and doesn't like to party anymore, she isn't even sure that he is still her brother. His younger sister isn't sure what to think of the idea of John and his new perception of himself.